My whole life has been a big “work in progress”.
And it started early, in school. Mom would always pester me about “being like the other kids”. It didn’t matter if she meant act like them, dress like them, speak like them, or ever get same grades as them.
I really think deep inside I hated it. I hated it because it made me feel like I am inferior, like I can not be my own self without being compared with someone else. She didn’t understand that I did not really care for the other kids and their own achievements, because hey! it was all their own effort that they laid out.
Other parents were doing it too, but it didn’t show or the kids rebelled and didn’t speak about it.
All those years of having it drilled into my head, I started acting like that. Try to become like the others. I became a big copy cat! And not many liked it… and they did tell me to find my own way of doing things.
I didn’t know how. Where to start. I didn’t have a guide. I had a voice in my head that kept telling me “be like the other kids”.
Needless to say, I was never able to fit in.
Sand In The Bikini 
May 6, 2016 at 7:40 am
This made me feel really sad for some reason! What a heartfelt post! I feel like even though what you wrote is so short, there are so many stories behind it. It’s not fun to fit in and to be trying to find your own way. I will admit, I was the biggest nerd in middle school. I remember at one point my mom bought me all these brand new clothes and I felt almost strange/uncomfortable dressing so stylishly (?!) Almost like it just wasn’t me? I was so quiet and awkward. Ugh, anyway, way for my comment to take your post and make it about me. Sorry! I’m just trying to show that I related to it. 🙂 I think our parents have such an effect on us (both good and bad.) I love my mom so much, but to this day I’m always terrified of offending her. She (along with my sister) are two of the most sensitive, easy to offend people out there. Even at my age, I still get nervous about conflict with her. Anyway, looking forward to reading about what happens when this story continues!
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May 6, 2016 at 8:28 am
Thank you for your comment and I’m glad you can relate. And I can say I can relate to having a very sensitive mom too… For some odd reason, my mom cannot raise her voice. It just doesn’t reach that “loud” level. So she would be so mad at me, blowing smoke out of her ears, but her voice was still so soft… to me it was the worst because it felt awful that I disappointed her and she couldn’t even properly yell at me to get it out of her system. It’s so funny when I think about it and we think back and laugh at it, but she was trying so hard lol and she’s also a cryer… when I was little she cried in her room and when I grew older I would go and comfort her and say sorry and all that… as she got older it got worse :S so I have to “tippy-toe” around her, but it’s good that I always try to brush off any criticism because to this day she tells me to look at other girls how they dress and learn to match clothes… I think I look pretty decent, but ya’ know, never enough for mom 🙂
I’m glad we can connect and hey! maybe coffee in Buffalo in June 😉
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May 6, 2016 at 2:20 pm
Oh and she’s in town now. They landed last night. This morning she couldn’t help herself and said “hope this doesn’t ruin your day and don’t get mad at me, but we need to talk about your pants when you get home. I don’t like them”. I smiled and said “that’s great mom. See you after work!” and walked out the door… she’ll be here until November; if you don’t hear from me for a while, you know who hammered the last nail in my coffin! hahahhaha I’ll probably have a few more grey hairs by the time she lives!
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May 10, 2016 at 3:28 am
Here until November as in living with you until then? Oh you said she’s ‘in town’ so I’ll assume you’re at least not having house guests for that long of a time. That would be insane! Ah, moms. They definitely have opinions and aren’t afraid to share them! I’m sure Laken will say the same things about me some day. 🙂 My family lives on the opposite end of the world and we are literally ALL together only a couple times a year. Wouldn’t you know a fight usually breaks out? I don’t know if it’s the pent up frustrations we can’t voice on a daily basis? Anyway. I hope that you have a good visit with her and that you keep rocking your pants!!!! Just be you!! (P.S. It’s funny what mom’s fixate on. With my mom, it’s thank you cards. I get constant reminders to write thank you cards for everything under the sun.)
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May 11, 2016 at 8:23 am
oh she’s here in the house with me 😀 she took over the spare bedroom. I told her she can’t spread too much all over the house, so we can quickly hide stuff away when people come to view the house and hopefully buy it. Yup. we fight too, and most times it’s something so silly, like you talked about your mom being upset every time you go back to Germany.
Thank you card eh!? wow. I actually don’t think I ever wrote a thank you card… emails I wrote to thank the host for an event invite or something, but nothing on a card (not that I can remember at least)
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